RightWingNutBall.com

First, Madam Senator, I believe congratulations are in order. Your victory in West Virginia was exciting and decisive. It’s just the sort of exclamation point your recent win in Indiana needed. It shows the world that you are not going anywhere, anytime soon!!

As a proud General in US Operation Chaos, I cannot urge you strongly enough to stay in this race.

Your devotion to women and children is legendary. Your advocacy for the rights of seniors is second to none. Your tireless effort on behalf of gay and lesbian causes is unmatched anywhere in the world. Providence is calling you!

If not now, then when?

If not you, then who?

Please Mrs. Clinton, do not falter. Do not doubt. Do not hesitate at this most sensitive of times. Your leadership is needed now more then ever before. Consider the following:

We are involved in an illegal war in Iraq.
Polls show Europeans don’t like us.
Big Oil is making too much money.
Government is not nearly involved enough in healthcare.
Global Warming, er… um… I mean… Climate Change is abhorrent

Hillary Clinton – THE WORLD NEEDS YOU! Your COUNTRY NEEDS YOU!!

Mrs. Clinton, do not fall prey to the media as they plea for surrender.

Take No Hostages and never say die!

You are a Woman of Destiny.

Make Me Proud.



Sincerely,

Josh Harmon
Right Wing Nut Ball
5/14/2008

Dean: Hello America, and thank you for joining us today for this colossal match up between the Little Rock Cookie Bakers and the Chicago Messiahs. I know most of you have been glued to this rivalry since at least the Super Tuesday Bowl. Today, we hope to hash out a Final Solution. My name is Dean Fitzgerald, and beside me as always, is the Voice of the Donkey, Jim Noclue.

Jim: Thank you Dean, and hello. As we’ve been saying for weeks now, all roads did indeed lead to Denver and tonight’s Championship game. Finally, we’ll crown the winner of the Leftwing Conference. This season has certainly been one to remember, with these two teams emerging as early leaders, taking each other right down to the wire.

Dean: But right now Jim we have an unexpected surprise. We’re now going shift things on the fly a little bit, and throw it to Skip Scaremonger for an unscheduled live one-on-one with the Patriarch of the Cookie Bakers, Papa Roach Willy! Skip, do you have me?

Skip: I do, Dean. I’m standing here in the Cookie Baker War Room, deep in the bowels of the Little Rock Holiday Inn, where I’m now joined by legendary Hall of Shamer, Papa Roach Willy. Papa Roach, thank you for joining us. It’s truly an honor to be speaking with a two-time National Champion such as yourself. Can you tell us, how do you see today’s match up?

Papa: The honor is all mine, Skip. The way I see things unfolding today, it’s going to come down to one of two things: Either our defense will hold up against the two-pronged attack machine of the Messiahs, or the Messiahs’ trick plays and misdirection will finally be too much for us to overcome. To be honest, however, I don’t see the later as a realistic outcome. As you know Skip, their offensive attack is primarily made up of uneducated blacks and overpriced white free agents. The free agent attack has been weakening steadily over the last few contests, and this is an area we think we’ll be able to exploit. If we can just keep them off balance, we’re confident their playoff inexperience will show through, and we’ll win the day.

Skip: Well that sounds fine on paper, but Papa, how do you expect to overcome the Messiahs highly efficient play calling, and the sheer organization of their ground game?

Papa: Skip, you people in the sports media need to get your facts straight for once. What the Messiahs are doing here is no different than what J. Jackson and the Atlanta Guilt Trips attempted some 20 years ago, with his famous Coalition-Push strategy. He failed, and so will the Messiahs. Once the second half rolls around, the Messiahs wont be able to move the ball any better than the Guilt Trips did all those years ago in South Carolina.

Skip: But Papa…..

Papa: No buts! This interview is over!

Skip: Umm… Okay. I think I may have hit a soft spot. Jim, back to you.

Jim: Well, that just goes to show you, folks, this thing is truly personal. Dare I say, Dean, that we may have finally seen it all?

Dean: You just might wanna tap on the breaks there Jim. I think this one may yet have a surprise or two left for us.

Jim: You’re probably right. But now, we’re going to go live to midfield where the team captains of the Cookie Bakers and the Messiahs are waiting for the coin toss.

Referee: All right, you both know how this works. Here is the coin. On one side you have a portrait of Susan B. Anthony, and on the other side you have an image of the Emancipation Proclamation. Susan B. Anthony will be heads, and the Emancipation Proclamation will be tails. Any questions.

Barack: Excuse me, but why isn’t the Emancipation Proclamation heads? Why is Susan B. Anthony heads?

Hillary: Because she actually has a head, maybe?

Barack: You’re pulling the race card again, aren’t you? I bet this was your husband’s idea, wasn’t it? He probably had the coin minted himself!

Hillary: That’s ridiculous.

Barack: Come to think of it, you’re right. Had he been responsible for this coin, it would have women on both sides!

Referee: All right, all right, that’s enough. Both of you, take a step back. I’m going to toss it in the air. Please let it land on the ground and don’t interfere with the bounce. Hillary, please call it in the air for the Cookie Bakers.

Hillary: You know, I don’t mind calling it of course, but I find it strange that I’ve been the one to call it for the last three contests in a row. It seems odd is all. Maybe Barack would like to call this one?

Barack: No, no. Ladies first.

Hillary: Well, if that isn’t the most chauvinistic, callous response. You’d think in the 21st century such comments would have no place in a Leftwing Conference Championship game.

Barack: I’m just trying to be polite. My grandmother taught me…..

Hillary: I think I’m going to cry.

Referee: Enough! Would the Captain of the Cookie Bakers please call the toss in the air?

Hillary: Heads.

Referee: Heads it is. Would you like to receive?

Hillary: I never receive.

Barack: While I accept the outcome of the toss, I think it’s obvious that this entire proceeding has been tainted with racism.

Jim: And with that the two teams take the field. This is the one you’ve been waiting for folks! We’ll have it for you in three minutes after these massages from our sponsors. Live from Mile High Stadium in Denver. Back in just a minute.

300,000 Newly registered voters and Republican converts are now Democrats in Pennsylvania.

And Howard Dean is congratulated.

Odd. Certainly one would think Dr. Dean should be praised for such a jump in registration, had he actually done anything to make it happen. He has not. In fact, he has actually encouraged just the opposite.

The Democrat Chairman has been pleading with anyone who will listen, to help him put an end to this self-destructive, and almost unprecedented Democrat primary battle. However, neither Mrs. Clinton, nor Senator Obama has shown even the slightest hint of throwing in the towel. Quite the contrary.

While Senator Clinton has been steadfast in her insistence that she will prevail in the end, Senator Obama, long in the lead, and for quite sometime the choice of pundits coast to coast, appears most likely to actually triumph. Obviously he will not be conceding anything, anytime soon. A final resolution, however, could take us all the way to Denver.

And Howard Dean is congratulated.

With these facts in mind, where does this leave us? It is now clear, if anything in politics can be, that neither one is going to give an inch to the other. Enter Chairman Dean!

For weeks Dr. Dean has been appealing to Mrs. Clinton to concede, and to his party’s Super Delegates to make a decision, and choose a side. Before Denver. As Soon As Possible. Like, NOW! The very idea of a brokered convention rightly terrifies Howard Dean, and for this reason, he wants his primary to end.

300,000 new Democrats, and Howard Dean is congratulated.

Among these 300,000 are many former Republicans, who in all likelihood would be current Republicans, if Howard Dean had gotten his wish. Had the party’s primary come to a nice, clean end, there would have been no need for anyone to change party affiliation.

And Howard Dean is congratulated.

While major media outlets, and democrat elites live in denial, the rest of us can speak the obvious truth: These 300,000 new Democrats, are largely proud soldiers in what Rush Limbaugh had dubbed, “Operation Chaos.” All one needs to do in order to validate such a belief, is look to Ohio and Texas.

In Texas, I personally voted for Senator Clinton during the day, and then caucused for her in the evening. As strange and disconcerting as this was, I felt there simply was no other choice. While John McCain is far from a strong Republican, he is immeasurably preferable to the alternatives of Obama or Clinton. I was doing my part for the conservative cause by encouraging the Democrats’ war of attrition.

And Howard Dean is congratulated.

No, McCain is not perfect, but he’s who we ended up with. He’s the best of the rest, and the only ELECTABLE option left on the board. That is, the only option that isn’t an outright socialist.

So, if Howard Dean thinks he’s concocted some sort of neo-twenty-first-century-election-year-magic, so be it. With any luck, the jokes – all 300,000 of them – will be on the Chairman.

Congratulations to Howard Dean.

I think I may have discovered something very interesting about the much hyped Barack Obama speech on religion and race.

I didn’t watch or listen to Obama give the speech.

I READ it beforehand, free of post-event spin and media commentary. I read every word, beginning to end, and even took a few notes. What I discovered is actually quite remarkable.

I have to draw a parallel to that classic Nixon/Kennedy debate of September 1960. Everyone who heard it on the radio thought Nixon won hands down. Everyone who watched it on TV thought Kennedy won hands down.

With this in mind, I took in the words and the meaning of Obama’s speech, MINUS the amazingly skillful delivery and style of the Senator’s oratory gifts.

I found it quite ordinary.

I noticed several politically expedient passages, such as where he referred to his pastor as “my FORMER pastor.” Of course, I also found areas where I was thoroughly impressed with the style, and was able to imagine how the crowd would react. But these are surprisingly few without the man attached to the words.

The main thrust of the speech seemed to be twofold:

First, I saw him consistently make excuses for black racism. In all forms. He paired this with moderate condemnation, but he always went on to illustrate his “understanding” of the situation.

Second, he exploited racism – in all forms by all people – as a means to greater government control over all of our lives. He continued to revisit healthcare, as well as other state sponsored social programs, always calling for their expansion. This seemed to be lost in the oral version, clouded over and obscured by the Senator’s linguistically brilliant public presence. But in the written version, it came through loud and clear:

Only more government and a significantly bigger socialist agenda can hope to possibly save America from the scourge of racism!!

Better than King’s “I have a dream” speech, as MSNBC's Chris Mathews unapologetically gushed this week? Hardly!

I hope all of the so-called moderates - in both parties - who support this man are paying attention. Barack Obama is nothing more than a silver-tongued USED CAR SALESMAN! One who happens to carry a copy of Karl Marx under his arm………..